Thursday, December 10, 2020

Holidailies Day 10: Moving On, Or Something

As I mentioned in (I think) the first post of the month, we are in the process of moving which has been a super fun task to undertake in the middle of a pandemic. 0/10, do not recommend.

The problem is, we don't really have a choice. When we moved out of my aunt's place just over a year ago we had the financials all worked out and for like, the first time in my adult life, I knew I could pay all the bills consistently every month and still have money for food. It was (and is) an incredibly good deal for rent compared to the rest of the area, for a nice place, and eventually we were even able to move the cats here - one of the main reasons I haven't hated every second of being stuck at home, TBH. 

But when I lost my job and then consistently was not finding work, it kinda became a question of not "can we pay rent" but like, "which bills do we pay while begging forgiveness from the landlords and promise to try to figure something out." Which is incredibly demoralizing, let me tell you, especially in a life where I've felt like I've only occasionally been able to overcome my own personal mental health hurdles and find stability.

Plus, I really like the Davis area and I feel like I got zero time to explore it because I was already two weeks into my full-time, all-encompassing job when we moved, and then when I didn't have to work All Of The Times it was because we weren't supposed to be going out and doing things. It's really frustrating that I never got the opportunity to find that balance where I could enjoy the community and also be making enough money to live here. 

Now, I am 100% super grateful for the solution we found. It works well for all involved, it's an actual Godsend for us budget-wise, and there is a part of my heart that lives in the CA foothills where we'll be living so I'm excited to be surrounded by Trees and Not Flat Ground after living in Delta. It may even be better for us in some ways, honestly. Plus, we managed to find someone to take over the lease from us starting literally the day after we are officially out, so we will owe zero extra rent for the time that we're not living here which is such a relief.

I'm just also sad. I'm sad that most of my books will be living 45 minutes away, and that we have to make lists of everything we own so we know if we have something in storage and don't end up with duplicates of things (and also so my ADHD self can remember that items stashed away in closets do actually still exist). 

[rant] Okay, and I'm just a little bit pissed off at everyone who has made really spectacularly dumb decisions about the pandemic. I'm flat out furious at the people who are blocking aide that could have not only made it possible for us to like, pay rent for a couple more months while we figured some stuff out, or for more people to stay home so we could beat this thing further. I'm so fucking frustrated that I apparently just never get to job search when we're NOT in the middle of a recession of historical proportions, and even more so because so much of this could have been avoided had people cared enough to do shit instead of trying to weasel away more power for themselves. [/rant]

Tomorrow we send the first round of stuff up to storage, and Saturday we start moving all the stuff we're keeping with us, and I'm going to miss this place. Hell, I've barely left this house since March since Chris has been the one working outside of the house for the most part. Particularly during the wildfires, which was extra horrible this year, and kept me inside for about a month straight because even just going out to put out the trash made me nauseous and gave me a headache for hours afterward. It's incredibly surreal to suddenly just... not be in the place that has been my haven in the midst of chaos. 

I don't really know how to end this, other than to say I'll probably be posting short stuff the next few days because we have to move everything and then clean everything to make sure we get the most out of our security deposit. Or maybe I'll just write longer posts to give myself an excuse to sit down for a break. Who knows. 

Until Tomorrow,


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