So I know why I love writing. When I do actually put words on a paper, or a screen more often, it's wonderful. The release of creating is better than just about any other. It just seems like it takes me longer than it used to, to get my brain around concepts and figure out things about writing. Particularly editing. I think this last year in between Novembers, was the first time I really tried to commit to editing, and except for a couple of shining moments in April or somewhere thereabouts, I failed epically.
I realize that getting stuff polished is sort of a necessary skill for an author. Yet every time I think about it, my brain just slides away. Like one of those perception filters that doesn't make a person invisible but makes them really hard to focus on for any amount of time. I think about it, and puzzle it out and feel like I got somewhere in my head. And then I sit down and it all just flies away and I'm left staring at the screen for hours thinking, "gah, why is this so hard?"
I will probably get past it. I just have to actually focus on getting to that point often enough that I break through whatever is blocking me and have a clear path. I'm hoping having some more organizational tools at my disposal, like Scrivener (NaNo Winner's Code FTW!) will help me break it into small enough chunks for me to focus on. I know that's one of my problems. I look at the forest and get scared. When I focus on a tree, it makes it easier, but right now I have some freaking sequoias to look at, which aren't that much smaller than the forest itself. I need some saplings to work on first.
That was a lot of tree metaphors... I guess I just felt the need to branch out.
Anyways, that's all I have for tonight. An examination, in writing, about why it's so hard for me to write. Write-ception. Or something like that.