Turning

You know that song in Les Miserables? "Turning, turning, turning through the years..." It's a bit of a sad song about the seasons of life, and how things never get better. Not exactly how I feel right now, but it is stuck in my head, so here it is.

I thought of it because I was thinking today about how things seem to turn out how we really kinda want them to, even if we're not going to say outright that we want them that way.

For instance. I was stuck yesterday between hoping that I would get the long-time sub position that I had interviewed for, mostly because it would have been nice to have something like income for a couple of months. But on the other hand, it was going to significantly push the boundaries of what I could handle, juggling the demands of the job with my classwork, and thesis work, and probably push everything else that I love to do out of the picture.

Then today, when I got the call that I didn't get it (for pretty good reasons, ones that I am not sad about at all) my first reaction was "oh, thank God." Which I think was a pretty good indication that I wasn't ready for it yet. Not that I am not in love with teaching, or that I am not willing to work hard. It just didn't feel right for the season.

I would have had very little in my tank to give to the job, which isn't fair to anyone. I wouldn't have seriously struggled to balance the work, and I have a feeling my own schooling would have been the thing to drop. I wouldn't be able to justify things like coaching soccer, which I seriously love. Dropping that, as I would have had to, would have made me sad, and made it harder to give everything to the job and school.

So life turns on. I am happy with the plan that I have. I already have at least one job lined up with a teacher from the school I student taught at, because my one of my master teachers is also the department head and she put out a good word for me with all the other teachers. I now have a pretty good in with the school I just interviewed with too, because they said I was solidly their second choice for the position, and if I wanted to apply for other things later, I would be welcome.

And now instead of spending the next week madly curriculum planning, I can spend it jumping into my thesis research, getting a feel for what I need to do, and how much time it will take me, and all that fun stuff. And maybe playing some video games before that becomes less of an option again. Maybe.

Until tomorrow.